4/10/20 Shawna K.

Dear Shawna~

I never met you, but, man, do I wish I would have. From the tidbits Wendi tells me, you sound lovely. Speaking of Wendi, she has some words for you:

Dear Mom~
I liked all of your funny memories, but my favorite was the 100 lb. butt one. Then, before I would go to bed each might, you would tell me to dream of cute boys. You worked in the Draper temple on weekends and you would always bring home donuts after. I loved that. You had a lot of Faith in the Savior, and cherished your personal testimony. You served a mission. I aspire to be just like you when I grow up. You were always trying to be healthier, despite the doughnuts haha I love you, Mom. Can't wait to see you again!
💜Wendi

Mandy~

Billy Joel said it best: only the good die young. I am so sorry. I love you.
Love, me

Dear Lone Peakers~

The holidays have begun.
Which isn't to say, "Go kill yourself."
No, please, if you are ever contemplating suicide, just know that the group of LP kids is already too full. Give me a call and I won't try to talk you out of it, but help you find new reasons to keep living.
We could be best friends.
I'm just saying.
Suicide is NEVER the answer.
Kirsten King (385) 219-8221

Dear Aaron~

I miss you.
I'm glad you still have your Facebook account, so that I can still post on your wall.
I feel like God took you from us way too soon, but I realize He needed you more than we did.
That doesn't make it hurt any less.
I've lost quite a few of my friends,
You being my biggest fan, the one that I knew I'd have through eternity.
I know I'll still have you for forever,
But it feels different when you're not still here.
Have I mentioned that I miss you?
♥ Kik

Dear family~

We had the funeral for my great grandpa, his wife (my step great grandma but I've always just called her grandma), and my cousin Aaron today, who's technically my second cousin, but ain't nobody got time for that. It was beautiful. All three of them were cremated and we laid there ashes to rest in the Salt Lake Cemetary, by my Mama Marti's ancestors. It was a really sweet funeral, where all of Grandpa Lynn's children spoke and the one kid they had together, Uncle Cory, spoke too and it was about the lives they lived and Mama said that we have Grandpa's legacy to live up to. It was great. I'm so thankful to have had those three in my life. I'm trying to be as selfless as Aaron was, how loving Grandma Lou Dean was, and how strong Grandpa Lynn was. I have quite a bit to live up to but I know that as long as I'm trying, it'll all be okay. I can't wait to see you guys again.
💜Kik

08/22/16

Dear Vance-

Your 22nd birthday would be a few months from tomorrow. Every month, on the 23rd, you're all I can think about. Somehow, 23 became my favorite number, not because of One Tree Hill, like I tell everyone, but because it was the beautiful day God gave me you. Of course, I wouldn't be born for 9 more months and like 20 days, but that's okay. Yesterday was my 4 year and 1 month anniversary of being discharged from the hopsicle, which is another big day in my life, other than my day of birth, your day of birth, your death date, and that fateful day in March. 2012 was just an all around crap year, for me, at least. I wish I had more to tell you about how exciting my life is, but I guess it's not exciting at all. I'm going to meet with vice principal Pead tomorrow about getting a job there. My ultimate goal is to be a high school English teacher and someday I'll figure out how to go to college so I can do just that. Sometimes I wonder if you ever decided what you wanted to do with your life. Like before your dad died and you turned to drugs. Then I wonder if you would be proud of my life goals. Then I remember that it doesn't really matter if you are proud, because you aren't here and I should stop pretending you are. I guess I'm kind of living in the past. Whenever my mom accuses me of that, I reply, "well why wouldn't I? I was happier then." Which is true. Not only because I don't produce seratonin like I used to, but I don't really have a lot to be happy or excited about these days. The most exciting news I have right now is that I have pit tickets to Luke Bryan the day after my birthday. Of course, I bought them for myself but I had to make sure I wouldn't be disappointed on my birthday. I think I'm going with Ian. At least, that's the plan right now. But that is still a long time away. I found some new music that I think you would like. Marc E. Bassy. Also known as Marc Griffin, who was the lead singer of 2AM CLUB, when they were still a band. He lives in LA (because there or Hollywood is where all the important people live). We're friends on Facebook. He's great. He has these two songs that you would like, in fact, they made me think of you, which is how I got the idea to write you. I'm listening to music as I'm writing this and his songs came on again. One called Dirty Water and the other is called Last One I Love. Marc is really talented. I love him. I love you more though. Today is another one of those days where I wish you were still here. I miss you boo. I really wish that you could come back.
💜 me

Dear Jake~

Hi. I went over to your house for dinner tonight. We grilled out and it was exciting because I, myself, had never made anything on the grill before. I'm basically a pro now, in case you were wondering. I love your parents Jake. I wish you were still here, to celebrate things like my first grill out where I actually grill out. I realize now that Jolene isn't your biological mother but she's your mom and that's better anyways. Jolene told me that when you were like twelve, you said that you wished she was your real mom. She also wanted to apologize for your stupid decision that majorly impacted my life but I interrupted her and said that it wasn't your fault at all. You didn't force me to have bad habits, bringing me to not have gas or follow road laws. That was all me. I should be thanking you. I could have been in a worse accident, if I hadn't been in that one that day. I could've been paralyzed or been completely brain dead, or worse, I could physically be asleep, but my brain could be awake. That would be torture. I could be able to remember everything. All the pain, all the trauma, everything. I'd like to think that I'm still here because of you. Sometimes, rarely, I wonder what it would be like if I had died, but then you would be responsible for your death and mine and I don't think you would be able to deal with that for all eternity. I'm excited to see you again. I look forward to it. I miss you. I love you Jake. If there was ever anyone that dying on my way to go see them would be okay, it would be you. You guys just weren't ready for me yet. I love you.