08/22/16

Dear Vance-

Your 22nd birthday would be a few months from tomorrow. Every month, on the 23rd, you're all I can think about. Somehow, 23 became my favorite number, not because of One Tree Hill, like I tell everyone, but because it was the beautiful day God gave me you. Of course, I wouldn't be born for 9 more months and like 20 days, but that's okay. Yesterday was my 4 year and 1 month anniversary of being discharged from the hopsicle, which is another big day in my life, other than my day of birth, your day of birth, your death date, and that fateful day in March. 2012 was just an all around crap year, for me, at least. I wish I had more to tell you about how exciting my life is, but I guess it's not exciting at all. I'm going to meet with vice principal Pead tomorrow about getting a job there. My ultimate goal is to be a high school English teacher and someday I'll figure out how to go to college so I can do just that. Sometimes I wonder if you ever decided what you wanted to do with your life. Like before your dad died and you turned to drugs. Then I wonder if you would be proud of my life goals. Then I remember that it doesn't really matter if you are proud, because you aren't here and I should stop pretending you are. I guess I'm kind of living in the past. Whenever my mom accuses me of that, I reply, "well why wouldn't I? I was happier then." Which is true. Not only because I don't produce seratonin like I used to, but I don't really have a lot to be happy or excited about these days. The most exciting news I have right now is that I have pit tickets to Luke Bryan the day after my birthday. Of course, I bought them for myself but I had to make sure I wouldn't be disappointed on my birthday. I think I'm going with Ian. At least, that's the plan right now. But that is still a long time away. I found some new music that I think you would like. Marc E. Bassy. Also known as Marc Griffin, who was the lead singer of 2AM CLUB, when they were still a band. He lives in LA (because there or Hollywood is where all the important people live). We're friends on Facebook. He's great. He has these two songs that you would like, in fact, they made me think of you, which is how I got the idea to write you. I'm listening to music as I'm writing this and his songs came on again. One called Dirty Water and the other is called Last One I Love. Marc is really talented. I love him. I love you more though. Today is another one of those days where I wish you were still here. I miss you boo. I really wish that you could come back.
💜 me